If you know me at all, you know I HATE conflicts.
I know hate is a strong word, but I’m not even going for a dramatic effect. I really do hate. it. so. much.
When I’m in a confrontational situation (especially the unexpected kind), I feel sweaty-palmed, my stomach gets tied up in knots, my body is shaky, and my brain gets all scrambled.
I can’t think of the right words to say in the moment so the whole experience is extremely frustrating and unsettling.
Usually after an incident, I’d have an intense inner monologue about how things went and what I should’ve said/done differently in the situation.
I’d run many different scenarios in my head and imagine how the outcome could’ve been different, Dr. Strange style.
Or trying to find reasons why it wasn’t my fault and it was about the other person.
Because most of the time, it isn’t about me even though it may feel sooooooo personal at the time.
This cycle might continue for a week or comes back months, sometimes years later 👻
So when I had a few unexpected interpersonal confrontations/conflicts/awkward moments in the last few weeks, it’s thrown me off balance.
For example, I was being courageous and said something in a meeting that stirred a very emotional reaction from another person and it became very messy very quickly 😱
In another setting, my behavior (I don’t even know what I was doing specifically) hurt someone’s feelings, and we had to have a follow-up convo about it.
And most recently, I accidentally shared certain information about a mutual friend to someone, which was not public yet, and had to do a minor damage control…🤦🏻♀️
(Wait, am I just becoming more insensitive?? 😂 Something to ponder…)
I was in my usual super analyzing mode after an incident and then learned it was Mercury retrograde this month.
I’m not an expert astrologist and don’t usually track when they happen. But I get the gist of it.
When Mercury retrogrades (i.e. it looks like it’s going backwards from where we are), you may feel things are out of wack and stressful for no good reason. I understand Mercury retrogrades impact the areas of travel, communication, and technology, in particular.
You may think it’s a bunch of woo woo nonsense 🔮 and it’s ok!
But as soon as I found out it was Mercury retrograde, instead of staying caught in my negative thought spiral, I said to myself “Well, it’s Mercury retrograde. No wonder it didn’t go well 🤷🏻♀️”
I was able to move on much more quickly and stopped blaming myself or the other person.
There are lots of memes about Mercury retrograde. And I totally think they’re funny, too.
But it does help me be more forgiving and compassionate towards myself and others.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful it we could be so understanding when Mercury isn’t in retrograde? 😀 which is most of the time?
Who am I kidding – you probably already are, you beautiful magical unicorn. But me? No 😂 I try to be. I don’t always succeed.
Maybe I need to pretend it’s always Mercury retrograde. Or create an imaginary entity that influences us beyond our control at all times.
Oh, wait, I guess we don’t have control over anything anyway wether the stars are aligned or not 💡
So maybe just remembering that would help??
And, if you’re feeling the effects of Mercury retrograde like I am this month, good news is, it’ll be over in a few days 🥳
Be gentle with yourself, and take good care, ok?