Category Archives: Self-Help

Mercury retrograde got you down? 🌌

My Thoughts, Self-Help

If you know me at all, you know I HATE conflicts.

I know hate is a strong word, but I’m not even going for a dramatic effect. I really do hate. it. so. much.

When I’m in a confrontational situation (especially the unexpected kind), I feel sweaty-palmed, my stomach gets tied up in knots, my body is shaky, and my brain gets all scrambled.

I can’t think of the right words to say in the moment so the whole experience is extremely frustrating and unsettling.

Usually after an incident, I’d have an intense inner monologue about how things went and what I should’ve said/done differently in the situation.

I’d run many different scenarios in my head and imagine how the outcome could’ve been different, Dr. Strange style.

Or trying to find reasons why it wasn’t my fault and it was about the other person.

Because most of the time, it isn’t about me even though it may feel sooooooo personal at the time.

This cycle might continue for a week or comes back months, sometimes years later 👻

So when I had a few unexpected interpersonal confrontations/conflicts/awkward moments in the last few weeks, it’s thrown me off balance.

For example, I was being courageous and said something in a meeting that stirred a very emotional reaction from another person and it became very messy very quickly 😱

In another setting, my behavior (I don’t even know what I was doing specifically) hurt someone’s feelings, and we had to have a follow-up convo about it.

And most recently, I accidentally shared certain information about a mutual friend to someone, which was not public yet, and had to do a minor damage control…🤦🏻‍♀️

(Wait, am I just becoming more insensitive?? 😂 Something to ponder…)

I was in my usual super analyzing mode after an incident and then learned it was Mercury retrograde this month.

I’m not an expert astrologist and don’t usually track when they happen. But I get the gist of it.

When Mercury retrogrades (i.e. it looks like it’s going backwards from where we are), you may feel things are out of wack and stressful for no good reason. I understand Mercury retrogrades impact the areas of travel, communication, and technology, in particular.

You may think it’s a bunch of woo woo nonsense 🔮 and it’s ok!

But as soon as I found out it was Mercury retrograde, instead of staying caught in my negative thought spiral, I said to myself “Well, it’s Mercury retrograde. No wonder it didn’t go well 🤷🏻‍♀️”

I was able to move on much more quickly and stopped blaming myself or the other person.

There are lots of memes about Mercury retrograde. And I totally think they’re funny, too.

I ❤️ Adam J. Kurtz

But it does help me be more forgiving and compassionate towards myself and others.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful it we could be so understanding when Mercury isn’t in retrograde? 😀 which is most of the time?

Who am I kidding – you probably already are, you beautiful magical unicorn. But me? No 😂 I try to be. I don’t always succeed.

I put this card up at my desk where I see it every day as a reminder.

Maybe I need to pretend it’s always Mercury retrograde. Or create an imaginary entity that influences us beyond our control at all times.

Oh, wait, I guess we don’t have control over anything anyway wether the stars are aligned or not 💡

So maybe just remembering that would help??

And, if you’re feeling the effects of Mercury retrograde like I am this month, good news is, it’ll be over in a few days 🥳

Be gentle with yourself, and take good care, ok?

xo

You are brave 💛

My Thoughts, self-care, Self-Help, ,

I was much braver when I was younger.

I said goodbye to my friends and family and moved to Seattle from Japan when I was 18.

I wasn’t afraid. I just knew that’s what I wanted to do. I knew we’d stay friends and family even if I was no longer there physically.

I was SO excited for my future in the U.S. None of the “what-ifs” could’ve held me back.

(And I wasn’t asking a lot of what-if questions back then 😆)

As I got older, it’s become scarier to take risks.

Changes are hard because letting go of what’s safe and known is scary. The older I get, the more I’m attached to what’s “mine.”

I have more to lose.

But I still say yes to things that are scary.

Some things are small, like should I be wearing overalls? Would they make me look like a weird 40-year-old teenager?

with my friend, Katie, at Magpie Mouse Studios

You be the judge. I think I look pretty cute in them. Ok I may have posted this because I do look so cute 😀 haha!

And really, who cares?? I’m sure you have much more important things to worry about than my outfit choices 😂 I know I do!!

(But what’s up with my left hand in this pic? 🖐 It wasn’t a bad Photoshop job, I swear!)

Other decisions have more serious and long-lasting consequences.

Like, quitting my job 4 years ago to work in Honeyberry Studios full-time.

Very scary.

(👆In this case, Dave was the true brave one.)

And, you know I got a major case of imposter syndrome when I took on a Board position at the NW Network recently.

When I hear a little voice in my head say, “Don’t do it! It’s dangerous. You’ll fail and everyone’s gonna know about it!!,” I have to pause.

I remind myself of what I’ve heard on a podcast once that the regret of not doing something is much worse than the regret of doing something.

So when I created a bunch of new work for my 2020 calendar (coming in October!), this message resonated with me the most.

Here is the thing – I tend to deflect when someone tells me I’m brave.

I think, “No, I’m not brave. It’s no big deal. It happened because of _______ (my parents, my partner, my situation, my age, my luck, fill in the blank!)”

Do you do that, too??

(Did you notice I did that earlier when I mentioned it was Dave who was the brave one when I quit my job? 💁🏻‍♀️ Correction: It took both of us to be equally brave to make that decision.)

I’ve been practicing owning my own bravery – no matter how small it is.

The more I notice myself being brave, the more confident I feel in business and life. And it helps me put myself out there more and share my gifts with others.

See? It’s a win-win.

You’re brave, my friend 💛

xo

ps. My new collection offers this and other encouraging new designs 😘 Go get inspired today.

Loss & Gratitude

My Thoughts, Self-Help,

[👉 trigger warning – I talk about loss of a partner in this post]

Hey friend,

Loss of a spouse is popping up in my life a lot lately – not my own, thankfully, but it’s showing up in a podcast I listen to, a Netflix show I watch, artists I follow on social media, a book I’m reading, and recently, a friend of a friend.

I haven’t had death in my close relationships yet but know it’s inevitable.

Like the writer, Elizabeth Gilbert, joked about in this podcast episode, death rate has kept it up at 100% since, well, always. Yet we’re still flabbergasted and appalled when someone we love dies.

I’ve been reading the book Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resiliance, and Finding Joy by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant.

This book had sat on my “for later” shelf in my library account for a few months, and honestly, I forgot what it was about.

I was jolted awake in the opening scene where Sheryl’s husband, Dave, dies suddenly and unexpectedly on their vacation in Mexico.

(Pretty much my worst nightmare.)

I have a tendency to fantasize about terrible situations on a good day, and loss of close loved ones has been on my mind a lot lately.

My Dave makes fun of me that I have such a morbid imagination and I “pre-mourn” stuff.

He’s Mr. Silver Lining – always looking for positives in life and doesn’t spend whole a lot of time and energy thinking about the negatives.

You may agree with Dave and think it’s unhealthy for me to dive deeply into the world of loss and grief when things are fine in my real life.

I can understand the argument. It does seem unproductive and harmful to intentionally picture your spouse dying suddently and experience the loss and grief on purpose.

(Granted, it’s an “imagined” loss, which cannot be compared to the real thing. I acknowldege the real loss would be 1000x more devastating and horrifying and life-changing.)

Yet, I can’t help but wonder, how would I survive such a loss? Would I ever be happy again? Could I feel true joy after you lose someone you love?

From what I’ve been learning (and from my experience working with domestic violence survivors for many years), it seems the answer is yes, even after you experience a tremendous loss and trauma, you can still be happy again.

One thing I want you to understand is when I’m in my dark fantasy world, I’m not feeling depressed.

Rather, I find overwhelming gratitude for what I do have in life.

Clearly, Dave is alive and well today. I don’t want him to go anytime soon but even if he did (sorry Dave!!), I’ve had wonderful 12 and a half years with him. It could’ve been 3 years instead of 12. Heck, maybe we would’ve never met if the stars hadn’t alighned in the first place!

And let me state the obvious that I’m choosing to imagine this situation. If this were real, I’d have no choice but to live it.

I do believe in silver lining. It’s just that I need to fully embrace the bad before I can appreciate the good. It’s not helpful for me to jump right into the positives before giving time and space to honor the negatives.

Only then, I can move on to celebrate the good things that surround me. And my art allows me to express joy in life.

Thank you for letting me share what I’ve been thinking a lot about 😘 I know it’s not very easy to hear or think about loss.

I hesitated to write about this today but did it anway in case you’re struggling with loss and grief, whether it’s from death, divorce, illness, or rejection from your family.

I wanted you to know I’m thinking of you. You’re not alone.

xo

ps. I highly recommend the book and podcast episode I highlighted above ☝️if you or someone you love is experiencing grief. Great resources.

pps. I’ll be back next week to tell you about my new collection! 🥳

 

Does it speak to you?

My Thoughts, self-care, Self-Help,

When I’m at shows, I often see my customers carefully go through my prints and cards and have an emotional reaction.


I hear:

“Oh…this is so true.”

“My sister needs this.”

“Your art is so HAPPY!”

And occasional (and my favorite)

“I’m dying of cuteness 😆”

I also hear:

“Your cards say exactly what I wanna say!”

YES!

What that tells me is my messages feel more authentic than the ones you find at big box stores.

It makes me happy because I do care a lot about what I say on my cards.

Art is important, of course. And the message is equally as important!

When I craft my messages, I pull a lot of inspirations from my past work in social service.

At the domestic violence organization I worked at, we were trained to be non-judgemental listeners and supporters of the DV survivors.

Not an advice-giver or tell-them-what-to-do-er.

That approach was perfect fit for my personality. Everyone’s situation is so different. I don’t even wanna pretend to know what’s best for other people!

Instead, I let them know I saw and heard them. I wanted them to know they were not alone, and that they didn’t have to prove anything to me.

No matter what you’re going through or how you feel about yourself, you deserve respect and dignity.

So when I create messages for my work, I ask myself, does this feel respectful? Would I actually say that to someone I care about?

Or would it be helpful for me to hear this?

Because when I dig deeper – and making good work always requires you to dig deeper – I’m the one who needs to hear those messages the most.

I’m no better than you. I don’t have it all together. I need to be reminded of my worth every day.

Art heals, and to be honest, I’m just as much of a recipient of its healing power as you are ✨

Art also connects people.

Even though I’m severely introverted 🙋🏻‍♀️ I still need connection to other people to thrive. And my art has helped me to share myself and connect with so many awesome people (like YOU ❤️).

I’m super grateful that you’re at the receiving end of my creations, and I hope my art is helping you to connect with your loved ones, too 🌈

Thank you for being amazing!!

xo

ps. do you wanna come enjoy my art and connect with me in person? I have shows and markets coming up! Click here to see my show schedule.

pps. a friendly reminder – price of my 8×10″ prints go up on June 1st. Purchase them now to take advantage of my current price.

I’m a pessimist.

Growth & Development, Hand Lettering, My Thoughts, self-care, Self-Help, Shop, ,

When I’m at craft fairs, my customers ask me what inspires my art.

I tell them I’m not a naturally positive person so I need a reminder to be happy.

So I make art that’s uplifting and positive.

Often people respond with “me, too!” 🙋🏻‍♀️ or “yeah, it’s so important, especially now.”

I make happy art because it brightens my day and I want to share the joy with you.

Here are some of the messages I think of on a daily basis. If you’re needing a little boost today, soak it in 😘

I have this hanging on my living room wall.

I often take so much for granted – my husband, health, friends, etc.

When I’m in a funk, this message is a great reminder that I still have a lot of things to be grateful for.

I’ve got this in a sticker form and have it on my laptop where I see it every day 🌈

It’s easy for me to feel I’m not _____ (pretty, talented, thin, productive, focused, loving, good wife – you name it, I got it.) ​enough especially when I compare myself to others (more on that next.)

It’s nice to see this reminder and tell myself that I’m enough the way I am today.

And THIS. This also hangs in our living room.

I use social media, like Facebook and Instagram, every day for my business. I love how easy it is to connect with my friends and community there.

At the same time, it’s made it so much easier to compare myself to other people on the internet.

These are the thoughts I have often:

“Woo, look at her beautiful studio space! My work space is a mess, and I can never show it to anybody.”

“Her shop has so many sales! I wonder if I’d ever be so successful.”

“Wow, she has so many followers and likes on Instagram. Why don’t I have more?”

I still have these thoughts, but this message grounds me.

I remind myself that there are lots of people who have fewer followers or “likes” (or not on social media at all!) and have a very successful business.

(Or HAPPY.)

And everyone’s journey is different. I’m the only person who can know 100% of what’s going on in my life and business. What works for someone else may totally be a wrong choice for me.

It helps me to find peace wherever I am in life.

And if you’re having similar struggles, I hope it helps you, too 😊

xo

My Hawaiian vacation pics!

Mini Sabbaticlas, Self-Help, , , , ,

I love Hawaii!

Oh the sunshine and the warm, plumeria-scented breeze… I could feel every cell in my body relax as soon as we landed.

My mom and I met in Oahu, HI (it’s about the same distance from Japan and Seattle) and spent a week hanging out, eating, shopping, and sightseeing during the last week of January.

Enjoy some snapshots from our vacation 🌴🌺🌈

We went on a dolphin watching tour. We’re holding a fake dolphin skull 😂 We did see dolphins and a humpback whale! It was amazing.

Bishop Museum. Stunning exhibits & buildings.

Beauty of the building itself is worth a visit!

Waimea Valley & Falls

In the hibiscus garden

Waimea Fall. No we didn’t go swimming 😉

Beautiful flowers everywhere at the Waimea Valley Botanical Garden

Ladies on the beach in North Shore. There are lots of wild chickens and roosters roaming around once you’re outside of Waikiki.

Kitty chilling in old Haleiwa town

We watched a beautiful sunset in North Shore. My favorite sight in Hawaii ❤

I made a couple of art inspired by the beauty on the island.

I’ve only been back for a few days, but I miss it SO MUCH 😢 I wish I could’ve stayed there a little longer. Sigh.

I hope I’m lucky enough to visit the paradise many more times. If you go (or live there, jealous!!), soak up the sun for me 😉

Aloha,

3 Free Resources to Empower and Motivate You!

Growth & Development, Self-Help,

Do you subscribe to any e-newsletters? I bet you do!

I’m on several lists myself – a lot of them for business. Tips on writing, some related to social media, and a bunch of emails from artists I like and admire.

And there are a few I get for motivation and encouragement. I love getting emails from these lovely humans because they help me feel grounded and gives me the courage to live life that I want.

Here are my 3 favorite e-newsletters (They’re all free!):

1. Monday Morning Motivation by Personal Pep Talk

Photo by Andrew Ochoa ©Personal Pep Talk

Stacy and I met in the Master Gardener’s volunteer training several years ago. She’s got such a positive energy, and her smile always puts me in a better mood. Her compassion for  other people and the whole world runs deep, and it shows through everything she does – a true hero in my book!

She’s a teacher by trade  and has started her business, Personal Pep Talk, with her husband Eric this August. I absolutely LOVE their Personal Pepe Talk card decks – I use mine every day to practice gratitude and give myself a little TLC ❤ And her art is so charming and sweet 🙂

In her weekly newsletter, Monday Morning Motivation, Stacy shares tips on how to live mindfully and her intention for the week. What a wonderful way to start your week, right?

You can get a weekly dose of positivity and mindfulness from Stacy here.

2. 100 Uplifting Days by Jessica Swift

© Jessica Swift

I admire Jessica Swift‘s work as a surface designer so much! Her work is so colorful and cheerful, I can’t help but smile when I see her creations 🙂

So when I discovered her email series, 100 Uplifting Days, I wasted no time. I immediately signed up and enjoyed every single email that came for the next 100 days!

Every day, I’d get an email from Jessica with her colorful art and encouraging messages in my inbox (see photos above). Oftentimes, her message was SO spot on for what I was feeling that day, it really lifted up my spirits.

I was sad when the 100 days were over (FYI, you could unsubscribe and re-subscribe to start a cycle  again :D), but Jessica’s been sending out extras occasionally, so I still get her beautiful reminders here and there.

The visual of her email is so yummy. It’s a treat for your eyes and your soul! You can sign up for her email here.

3. Marie Forleo‘s MF Insider E-newsletter

© Marie Forleo

For those of you who don’t know, Marie Forleo is a life coach and entrepreneur, and I’ve been a fan of Marie TV for a couple of years.

Her motivational messages and practical tips for following your passion have been instrumental in my own journey, and I appreciate her sense of humor (and entertaining visuals on the show) when I need a little laugh 🙂

Since I don’t have time or energy to keep track of all the shows and podcasts I love (which there are many!), I signed up for her email so whenever a new content is posted, I’ll be notified.

Even if I don’t have time to watch or read her content right away, I always skim the email to get the gist of it. To me, Marie is a super successful celebrity, but she’s not afraid to share her human side generously with her viewers. When she’s answering questions from her viewers, I often feel like she’s directly talking to me because she makes it so relatable.

If you want practical and entertaining tips for your life and business, you can subscribe to Marie Forleo’s newsletter here.

These women give and share what they know so freely. Their wisdom adds so much to my life, and I hope you’ll find them helpful, too!

(I’ve been inspired to create something similar for my email subscribers, too… Stay tuned for any updates!)

Now, tell me what your favorite e-newsletters are. Please share in the comment and tell me why 🙂

xo

Yuko Miki Honeyberry Studios Headshot

 

How to deal with criticism when you’re a Highly Sensitive Person

Growth & Development, My Thoughts, Self-Help

 

I'm-a-highly-sensitive-person_1000px

Hi, my name is Yuko. I’m a Highly Sensitive Person.

Did you know that it’s a thing? I mean Highly Sensitive Person with capital letters was a thing??

I only learned about HSPs recently when my good friend sent me a link to The Highly Sensitive Person Podcast several months ago. I didn’t have to listen to any of the episodes to know it was for me – with titles like, Decision-Free Living, Scary Movies? NOPE, and Anticipatory Grief, I knew it was talking about me.

According to Dr. Elaine Aron, some of us (about 15-20% of the population) have a brain that’s wired a little differently: HSPs are more aware of subtle changes in our environments and reflect on the information a little more deeply than others.

It’s an innate trait for many people and goes beyond the stereotypical definition of “being sensitive” e.g. crying at the Super Bowl’s puppy commercial or being hurt easily etc.

Kelly O’Laughlin, the host of the podcast I mentioned earlier, pretty much sums up my experience on her website:

“We think about things deeply. We analyze information and don’t like making wrong decisions—in fact, we can have a hard time making decisions. We become overwhelmed easily by all the stimulation and information around us. We are incessantly bothered when our physical environment is uncomfortable. We are empathetic to the feelings of others. We are startled by noises easily. We are strongly affected by violence, horror, and abuse, in movies, TV, and in the news and this causes us to sometimes avoid it. We are often affected strongly by caffeine. We can be moved deeply by music, art, and nature.”

(I’m definitely not an expert on HSPs, so if you want to learn more, you can check out the research here. You can also take a self-test here if you suspect you might be an HSP.)

I appreciate many aspects of being a Highly Sensitive Person.

First of all, I’m easily inspired and deeply moved by small things in life. I believe this helps with my creativity.

Every time I catch a whiff of peonies on my kitchen counter, my heart sings. When I see a big smile on my block printing students’ faces after they printed their very first design on a fabric, it makes me want to cry. When I hug my cat and bury my nose in the fur on top of his head and smell the sunshine, I’m filled with happiness and joy (I know you totally smell your kitty, too!!)

I suspect many artists and makers are somewhat on the spectrum of being highly sensitive. After all, first step of creating a great work is to open up your heart and feel the feelings, you know?

It also makes being an artist more challenging.

Probably my #1 obstacle is my anxiety around being criticized.

I know all artists struggle with this somewhat whether you’re highly sensitive or not. When you pour your heart and soul into what you make, putting yourself out there and not being fully appreciated can feel extremely vulnerable.

My fear of being criticized has made me shy away from taking on more commissioned art/illustration work. It’s not that I don’t appreciate objective constructive feedback to improve my work – it’s the anticipation of getting criticized and receiving more subjective, unhelpful feedback that I get worked up about.

In order to mitigate this, I try to have a thorough conversation with my potential clients about my creative process and what type of inputs are helpful (objective vs. subjective) for me to do the best work before I taken them on as a client… And only when we agree on the process, we move forward with the project.

But still, when I hit “send” to deliver my work to the client, I get pretty stressed out.

Even though I know I did a good job, I hear a little voice telling me maybe it wasn’t good enough or I wasn’t quite diligent enough to hit 100% mark for the project. And so when the client tries to push my boundaries and get me to be more “flexible” with my creative process, I become pretty overwhelmed.

When this happens, I take a deep breath.

I don’t always open emails from clients right away when I sense there might be some bad news… I need to mentally prepare myself for that 😀 I might skim the email first just so I’m not missing any urgent issues, or maybe they’re totally happy with it (gasp!). And then if they are asking me to change something (“We love this! But… “) I walk away and think about it for a little bit before responding.

I take some time to feel whatever feelings that come up and be a non-judgemental observer of the reactions I’m having.

And then once I do a self-therapy/meditation to soothe my anxiety, I read the email again and analyze the list of things my client has sent me.

Once I have the mental cushion, I can be more objective and handle the criticism more calmly and less emotionally.

I re-read the proposal and contract to see if I missed anything or if I misinterpreted the goals for the project. If their feedback is not clear or sounds subjective, I’ll ask more clarifying questions. I include my creative process document with the final deliverables usually but might offer some extra explanations to clarify my decision making process if needed.

I realize 99% of the problems occur because of unclear communications. 

If I overlooked something we agreed on or either didn’t do a good job of understanding the scope of the project throughly or didn’t help the client understand the process clearly in the beginning, I take full responsibilities for that. And I do my best to fix the problems.

But if that’s not the case, and I’m fully confident that what I produced would meet their objectives, I let them know I’m not able to respond to their requests.

Saying no to a client is difficult, but I’m grateful that most of my clients are really awesome and respectful so they understand. If I chose to accommodate every little subjective/arbitrary request they have, my passion would definitely die and I’d be super burnt out in no time!!

I’ve had to grow a thicker skin in order to pursue my passion publicly and professionally, and it’s definitely a work in progress!

Understanding my high sensitivity allows me to be more compassionate towards myself. And knowing what triggers my emotional response helps me to identify and develop new skills so I can grow as a person and be a happy creative professional long-term.

If you’re a highly sensitive artist and have challenges because of that, know you’re not alone in the struggles ❤

xo Yuko

Yuko Miki Honeyberry Studios Headshot

 

Giving yourself permission to slow down without feeling guilty

Growth & Development, My Thoughts, Self-Help

it's ok to slow down_poppies_handlettering

I take sabbatical week off every 7 weeks.

It’s a time when I intentionally slow down and focus on things I don’t get to normally. I might work on fun creative projects for myself or reflect on my business goals and processes during my mini sabbaticals.

You can see a couple of my past sabbatical report backs here and here by the way.

What’s great about taking a regular time-off is I can schedule work in advance around it, and it motivates me to hustle and stay productive when I’m “on.”

Because I work very hard on weeks between my mini sabbaticals, I usually enjoy my time off relatively guilt-free.

By the time my 7th week rolls around, I’m SO ready. I can definitely feel the burn and feel my time off is well deserved.

But what about the time when I’m forced to slow down outside of my scheduled time off?

Life happens. You try your best to “schedule” things and stick to them, but it doesn’t always happen according to your plan.

I had to face this during February and March of this year when I suffered a stomach ulcer. And it really forced me to slow down and take care of myself

It didn’t come easy. I felt so guilty slowing down even though I was in a lot of pain.

Before I knew I had an ulcer, I just thought I had an upset stomach for some reason. I’d been on a Candida diet for several weeks prior and just started adding some foods back in my diet again. So I thought it was a natural reaction to the diet change and tried to “wait and see” if it got better on its own.

Weeks passed by, and it got worse.

I couldn’t eat very much and was feeling weak. I was depressed because I couldn’t eat (and you know how much I LOVE to eat!) and was afraid to eat because the pain would come after eating. I wasn’t sleeping well due to the pain or the fear of pain.

I was stressed out and scared. Desperate for information, I looked it up on the internet, and it tells you all kinds of potential causes for your symptoms, including cancer…(which I believed wasn’t the case based on other symptoms but still scary.)

Our insurance coverage (we’re on Obama care) is less than awesome, so the potential medical cost would stress me out, too.

I felt bad and guilty laying around on the couch during the work hours.

I thought, my eyes and hands still work, so I should be able to do work.

If I “took it slow” outside of my scheduled time off, I won’t be able to achieve my goals, will I? Nobody else can do what I do for me. And, I don’t have a paid sick leave any more!!

I’d press on even if I was in a lot of pain. I’d try to stick to my regular routine as much as possible.

I didn’t want to admit to myself that I needed to course correct because I didn’t think I could afford to.

Eventually, I saw my naturopath and got the diagnosis. She put me on a treatment plan, and I gradually started feeling better.

Putting a name to what I was experiencing helped shift my mindset. It gave me a permission to focus on healing.

When I thought I was just having a random stomachache, I was so annoyed and tried to ignore it.

But as soon as I learned the official diagnosis, it suddenly made it OK for me to focus on feeling better. It made my experience somehow more real and serious.

Like, finally I had a legitimate reason to slow down.

It’s weird I needed someone with an authority to tell me what I was experiencing was a real thing, and  that I didn’t need to feel guilty about slowing down. But apparently, I did.

My work and goals were important, but it wasn’t worth sacrificing my health for.

I needed to prioritize getting better, and everything else needed to take a back seat.

So whenever  the pain would come on, I didn’t even bother to get any work done. I simply stopped resisting. I just laid on the couch and did things to help ease the pain (heat pad, massage, tea etc.) for as long as I needed.

I also learned to use the time between my bouts of stomach pain to focus on my work. I had a shorter amount of time to work, so it naturally helped me to stay motivated and productive.

Fortunately, I responded to the treatment really well and have been feeling well since April! Thank goodness for that!

Nothing makes me more grateful for my health than having been ill.

You can schedule your sabbaticals, but you can’t schedule when you get sick.

When you get sick and your body is screaming for help, don’t resist it. Give yourself permission to tend to your needs. If you have a hard time doing that, like I do, let someone else tell you it’s OK.

And when you slow down to take care of yourself, stop feeling guilty about it. Guilt does not serve anyone, and it certainly doesn’t help you heal faster 🙂

xo Yuko

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5 Things You Can Do When Your Friends and Family Don’t Take Your Creative Pursuit Seriously

Growth & Development, My Thoughts, Self-Help,

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Since I quit my day job to pursue my passion full-time last summer, I’ve been in some situations where I felt my work is not taken seriously.

For example, I visited my old work place the other day, and one of my old co-workers asked me, with a grin on his face, “So, what time do you get up nowadays?” I told him 5:30am every single morning. He was really surprised to hear it. He thought I get to sleep in every morning since I don’t have a job to go to!

Or when my mom and some friends make a comment about how nice it must be to have the slow lifestyle and get to enjoy making art at my leisure.

Or when some people assume I could get together in the middle of a weekday on a whim because I have so much “free” time.

Situations like these bother me.

It bothers me because I feel like people think I’m just having a relaxing, semi-retired life, having lots of hobbies and mooching off of my husband or something!

Or more accurately, it stirs up my insecurity about what I choose do and how well I’m doing it.

I’ve been working very hard. I’m learning and growing. I’m moving forward towards my goals. And many people on the outside don’t know exactly what it takes to actually “make a living doing what you love”. Heck, I didn’t understand it 100% before I started doing it either!

But because I’m not making any significant profit from my business yet, situations like these fuel my insecurity and self-doubt. It makes me question my ability to build a successful creative business. Am I going to make it? Am I really cut out for this?? Or is it just going to be a hobby I spend a lot of time and money on?

I’m not gonna lie to you, it’s scary and keeps me up at night.

People ask you about your business because they care about you and are curious. And since I don’t know how to explain everything that goes on in my business, my vision, and fears in a way that’s reasonably understood in a casual conversation, I don’t usually get in to the hard aspects of it.

I’m worried that my sharing  the “unsuccessful business” story will make them worry about me and my future. 

And if I sense that they’re worried about me, 1) it’ll make me feel even more insecure and 2) I’d feel the need to take care of their emotions. And that’s not something I have the energy or willingness to do in a casual social setting. Especially when I’m caught in a self-doubt downward spiral! Eeek!

So, What do you do when people around you don’t seem to get what you do? Or you feel they’re not taking your pursuit seriously?

Here are 5 things I do to manage my response to these situations:

1. Try not to take things personally and try to appreciate that your friends and family care about you.

You just don’t know what other people’s intentions are and why they do what they do. For the most part, your friends and family are curious about what it’s like to run your own show and want to know that you’re OK. So try not to turn it in to something unhelpful or untrue.

Someone might think your life is stress-free and luxurious, and you get to do whatever you want whenever you want to. Know that it’s merely a projection of their own thoughts and ideas. Maybe that’s what they dream of doing once they’re retired from their day job. Who knows??

Try not to think that it’s a reflection of what you actually do because they don’t know what you do! Remember, it’s not about you. So don’t make it. It doesn’t serve you.

2. Share your successes and what you’re excited about with them.

When people ask me how my business is doing, I immediately translate in my brain that they’re asking me how my business is doing financially. And I cringe.

But that’s not what they’re saying – it might be what they’re thinking, but that’s not what the words say. It’s an open-ended question. You can make your answer about anything you want, and not just about how successful (or not) your business is financially.

In a casual conversation, I try to share a couple of my recent successes or what I’m excited about next. It gets people excited and be happy for you, and it’s a helpful reminder for myself to focus on what’s going well, too!

I love seeing other people get inspired by hearing about what I do! So do more of that!

3. Have a safe place to share your struggles and fears 

Inevitably, your business will have ups and downs. Sharing your struggles and fears with family or friends who don’t really understand it or trying to convince someone to see things your way might not be the most helpful thing to do.

But you gotta get support somehow. It will be a rough and lonely road if you don’t!!

Here are some suggestions on how you do that:

  • You can get an accountability partner. Find someone to meet regularly (in-person or on-line) who are on a similar journey with you and check in about your goals, successes and challenges. I wrote a couple of blog posts about my experiences with accountability partners here and here if you’re interested. It’s been one of the most helpful things for me!
  • Work with a professional. You can work with a mental health therapist to get help on a deep-seated fears and insecurities. You can also work with a business or creative coach to get practical help with achieving your goals. (In case you didn’t know, I help other artists individually as a creative coach 🙂 You can learn more about it here.)
  • Join an online community of like-minded people. As a busy, introverted artist, finding on-line communities of like-minded people has been really helpful for me. I don’t have to leave the house or make a special arrangement to ask for help?? GREAT! It’s also helpful for people who live in rural areas and struggle to find your people in-person. I’m part of Seanwes community, Building a Better Business in One Year  (though this has been a little inconsistent) and Creative Online Presence with Meighan O’Toole groups on Facebook.

4. Try to focus on the progress you’re making.

I feel low when I get asked how my business is doing when I feel like my business is not doing so well.

For example, I experienced a dip in sales in January compared to November and December, which is to be expected. Holidays are the biggest sales season of the year after all.

So instead of beating myself up about it, I compared my sales from January – February of last year to the same time period this year and noticed a significant growth! It definitely helped with my confidence, and I’ll continue to do so every month from now on.

I also try to measure my progress in other non-financial ways:

  • I track how many followers I gain each month for my social media accounts. Though these numbers aren’t the only way to tell how successful you are, it’s one indicator of your business growth.
  • I document what I get done every day on my calendar. Did I accomplish top 3 things I wanted to today? If yes, then that is a successful day for me.
  • I review my old work and recognize my growth as an artist. Occasionally, I look at what I posted on my Instagram a long time ago or some of my old work on my portfolio and see the progress I’ve made as an artist. Yes, I cringe 🙂 but also feel compassionate towards the artist I was, and it gives me hope that there is no limit to how much I can grow years from now!

5. Say yes to fewer social invitations and schedule them in advance

Your friends and family might think your schedule is super flexible when you work for yourself. And in a sense, they’re not wrong about that.

I do enjoy the flexibility of not having to clock in and out, actually. For instance, my husband Dave works from home too, so we do our grocery shopping during the week avoiding the craziness at the grocery store on weekends. Or I can go in for a doctor’s appointment in the middle of a weekday. Or I can take a nap on the couch in the middle of the afternoon if I’m not feeling well.

These are just a few benefits I get to enjoy while pursuing my passion! And I’m not complaining about that at all.

But I still keep a daily routine and treat it like my “real” job. And because I don’t have a boss to answer to, in a way it takes more discipline and commitment to stick to it.

So while I do have the flexibility and could make time to get together with friends during the week if I wanted to, I’m more intentional about what I say yes to.

When you think about it, your lunch or tea with friends might only take an hour or so. What’s the big deal, right? You have to eat anyway. Why not just do that with someone you like, right?

Here is the thing. You might be spending only an hour or so for the actual event itself, but you also need to consider the time you’re getting ready to leave, get to/from the location, and then transition back into your work mode again.

And if you’re an introvert like me, interacting with people, even if it’s someone you love spending time with, takes energy out of you, and you need to account for the time to refill your energy reserve after socializing.

So in reality, you’re spending more like 3-4 hours per social event you engage in during your workday. And that’s a big chunk!

At the end of the day, what I care about is not so much the time itself, but the loss of focus and flow of the work day. You can sort of get the time back by working extra later or on a different day, but it’s a lot harder to get that focus back. And focus is absolutely necessary for me to produce quality work.

So here is how I deal with engaging in social events during the week:

  • I say no to most of the social invitations. I might say yes to 1 event per week, but usually no more than that. I let the person know I appreciate being asked but can’t make it.
  • I schedule the social events in advance. While I say no to most invitations (especially last minute ones), it doesn’t mean I don’t want to see my friends! It typically means no I can’t do it then. I make sure we plan a get together for a future date and get it on my calendar in advance so I can plan around it. My regular sabbatical weeks are great for scheduling get-togethers with friends!
  • I schedule my events early in the morning or later in the afternoon. I usually like to schedule something at either the beginning of the day or later in the afternoon so my work day and focus won’t have to be broken up too much.
  • I combine the event with other business-related errands. I do this often when I’m needing to go out of my immediate neighborhood to see someone during my work day. I try to hit the art supply or hardware store or get done other business-related errands while I’m out and about.
  • I combine multiple social events in one day. It’s similar to my point above, but if I’m driving somewhere to see a friend, I’ll see if there is anyone else I’d like to see in that area. I might see someone for lunch, and then invite someone else to have coffee with me afterwards etc.
  • Enjoy your time with friends when you’re with them. Once I’m there with my friends, I try to be present with them as much as possible. There is no point in worrying about the work you’re not getting done or the focus you’re losing at that point. Nobody forced you to do this, so let it go and enjoy the here and now with the people you love!

Ok friends, I hope you find these tips helpful! The most important thing for me to remember when I feel discouraged by someone’s comments or behavior is to just appreciate the privilege I have to be able to follow my passion and having people in my life who care about my well-being.

The negative voice I’m hearing is mostly a reflection of my own insecurity. Life is much more enjoyable when you’re kind to yourself and replace the negative voice with the positive one ❤

Know that your art creates value for lots of people even if you’re not making money yet!

xo Yuko

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